Pick-Me-Up-Prayer

Welcome to our mid-week pick-me-up.  Our leaders and prayer warriors will lift you up in prayer today.  Please leave a comment below with your prayer requests.  If you want to send them in ahead of time to make it inside the blog post, go to our prayer page and fill out the form or email your requests to: mary@thatchurch.com.  Prayer Warriors…when you see a prayer request below, please leave a comment with a eprayer or a shout out to let these ladies know they are being lifted in prayer.

Thanks again for the participation and let’s lift each other in prayer today.  Leave us a comment for your prayer requests!

Just start leaving your prayer requests in the comment section and know…we will be praying for you!

1) Melinda:  Her sister-in-law Heather had surgery on her digestive system.  It was an emergency type surgery.  She is living with Crone’s disease.  Please keep her recovery in your prayers!

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Pick-me-up-prayer…

Welcome to our mid-week pick-me-up.  Our leaders and prayer warriors will lift you up in prayer today.  Please leave a comment below with your prayer requests.  If you want to send them in ahead of time to make it inside the blog post, go to our prayer page and fill out the form or email your requests to: mary@thatchurch.com.  Prayer Warriors…when you see a prayer request below, please leave a comment with a eprayer or a shout out to let these ladies know they are being lifted in prayer.

Thanks again for the participation and let’s lift each other in prayer today.  Leave us a comment for your prayer requests!

Just start leaving your prayer requests in the comment section and know…we will be praying for you!

Pick-me-up-prayer

Welcome to our mid-week pick-me-up.  Our leaders and prayer warriors will lift you up in prayer today.  Please leave a comment below with your prayer requests.  If you want to send them in ahead of time to make it inside the blog post, go to our prayer page and fill out the form or email your requests to: mary@thatchurch.com.  Prayer Warriors…when you see a prayer request below, please leave a comment with a eprayer or a shout out to let these ladies know they are being lifted in prayer.

Thanks again for the participation and let’s lift each other in prayer today.  Leave us a comment for your prayer requests!

Just start leaving your prayer requests in the comment section and know…we will be praying for you!

Tackling Tough Questions…

th-2Welcome to our Tuesday discussion.  Today we will try to answer some of your tough questions.  We know that if one person voices their question and concerns, there are many more who have the same questions, but just don’t ask.

We thought this blog is the perfect place to answer them for everyone.

 

How many times have you tried to assist a friend who desperately needs help, only to find yourself becoming overwhelmed by her problems?

As one friend explains about another, “I know she is crying out for someone to listen to her.  She needs help with her children and with problems concerning her husband. However, I always end up feeling exhausted at the end of our time together.  When she calls I spend hours on the phone with her.  How do I help her without depleting my time and energy?”

It’s a valid yet delicate question.  How do we, as Christian women, reach out to others, desiring to show them God’s love in a way that respects their needs, our lives, and God’s will without becoming overwhelmed and burned out?  As nurturer’s we want to take hurting women under our wing and make everything better for them.  However, we soon find that we are inundated with their time-consuming problems.  Like the story above, their problems are complex and ongoing.  Many women not only experience problems with children or spouses (or ex-husbands), but may also be dealing with depression, anxiety, or a chronic physical illness.  Their lives are full of turmoil and confusion and it can overwhelm them, as well as us.

Most women I know truly want to share their time, resources, and support with other women who need these things.  Women understand others because so many of us have been there:  times we wouldn’t have survived except for the presence of a friend in our life to support us and comfort us emotionally, spiritually, or physically.

Ultimately, we must find a way to integrate our Christian beliefs and desires with the reality of the situation.  It’s crucial to grasp the concept that we – as much as we may want to – cannot save anyone from herself or the reality of her situation.  That responsibility lies with God and our friend.

We can assist but our friendship or investment of time requires a blend of compassion and boundaries.  We are taught to give of our time and talents.  This can lead to confusion as we become involved in someone’s life and their needs require more and more time.  As my friend found, the more support she gave to he friend, the more support she seemed to need.

In her case, she spent so much time with her that my friend’s husband began to complain because she kept leaving during dinner or jumping up to get the phone (which she would then be on for at least an hour).  Her children were constantly getting to bed later than their usual time because she wasn’t available to help her husband finish the kids’ homework and baths.

When our helping others begins to affect our spouse, children and ourselves, it then becomes time to take a close, hard look at how we are managing the relationship.

Do your friend’s needs take priority over your family’s needs?

Do you jump to the rescue every time she calls?

Do you feel compelled to solve every problem for her?

Are you consistently neglecting your responsibilities at home?

If you answered “yes” to even one of these questions you may need to reassess your involvement in the situation.

It’s very important that your friend take responsibility for herself and her life.  Are you putting more effort into helping her than she is in helping herself?  Does she consider your life, the efforts you are making on her behalf, and asking if there is any way she can help you?  The point isn’t that she must give back to you.  The point is that she respects you and your boundaries.  If that is not present you may need to ask yourself some questions such as, “Why is she not as committed to solving her problem as I am?  Why am I putting more effort into this than she is?”  My friend thought it was her friend that was “the problem.”  Actually, it was my friend’s problem for not establishing clear boundaries with hers.

It’s important for all of us to take responsibility for our lives and our issues.  We don’t need to stay “stuck.”  We can make the decision to make the necessary changes.  We may need to ask for help or assistance but ultimately it is up to us.  This is what was going on with the two women in the opening story:  One would call with the latest crisis and my friend would jump to respond, not taking into account how it all affected her and her family.

My Friend decided to use boundaries in her life to get it back under control.  She decided to screen her calls and call her friend back when it was convenient for her.  Ann also established time limits on the calls by telling her that she could only talk for 10 minutes because she had to help her husband get the kids ready for bed (which she did).

After re-evaluating the pattern of frantic phone calls and continuous emergencies my friend came to the conclusion that her friend probably needed more support than she could give her.  She suggested to her that she call her for some counseling.  She did so and eventually went to a support group that was equipped to give ongoing support.  My friend still remained a friend and they still speak on the phone, but the burden no longer was on her for her friend’s healing.

This is why we need boundaries in our lives:  to understand just what our responsibility is– and what it is not.  The previous illustration has just shown what the consequences could be if we overstep our boundaries.  Not only do we not help the situation—as we truly desired to—but we may prevent someone from growing in the ways that they need to.

Hope this answers your question!  Whew it was long, sorry for that.

Mary

Tackling Tough Questions…

thWelcome to our Tuesday discussion.  Today we will try to answer some of your tough questions.  We know that if one person voices their question and concerns, there are many more who have the same questions, but just don’t ask.

We thought this blog is the perfect place to answer them for everyone.

 

 

 

Question:  How do you set boundaries with a difficult person in your life?

Great question!

It seems like there should be a verse that reads: To everyone God has appointed at least one difficult person.

The truth is that we all have relationships that drive us to distraction, and one key challenge is figuring out how to set Christian boundaries.

Should I let him soak up all my time or is it okay to say, ‘no’?  

Should I rescue her again or let her experience the consequences of her actions? 

Do I let it go or say the tough things? 

What do I do?

The good news is that while it is hard to set boundaries, you can learn to do it. Jesus set boundaries, and you can, too!

Love is not always giving people what they want.   We see this in Jesus’ life, which is why He often had to set boundaries. He drove sellers out of the temple, rebuked the Pharisees’ hypocrisy and left the disciples to spend alone time with God.

So how do you determine the best way to love that tough person?  Try running your  decision through the following principles.  They will help you love well.

Ten Keys in Setting Boundaries:

1.  Seek God’s will – Listen to God, not others.

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe. Proverbs 29:25

2.  Love their soul.

Love is not taking the easy way out by being “nice.”  Nice is an American concept and love is the biblical goal.

3.  Love sincerely.

Love is the key ingredient in every relationship. When you love someone, everything you do is for them and nothing you do or say comes from a vengeful or punishing perspective.

4.  Have supportive relationships. 

Surround yourself with godly friends who will encourage and support you in doing the right thing.

5.  Take responsibility for your own actions

Rarely is the problem the fault of only one person. If you own your part of the problem, the other person will be more likely to accept your boundaries.

6.  Invite them to change.

The first step in confronting someone should never be a limit, but always an invitation to change.

7.  Warn them.

If you just set limits out of the blue, this person may feel ambushed and become angry with you. A warning, on the other hand, gives them a choice.

8. Be patient.

A warning, if not accompanied with patience, is an ultimatum.

Patience means providing the ingredients for growth while allowing that person time to respond.

9.  Follow through with consequences.

Remember that consequences have nothing to do with anger, revenge, or punishment. They are there to protect you and to help this person deal with the reality of their actions.

10. Practice continual forgiveness.

Don’t give negative attitudes a chance to grow – practice forgiveness day by day.

We all have difficult people in our lives, yet God calls us to love them well.  To do this, make all your decisions based on what will best promote the other person’s spiritual and eternal good.  Setting Christian boundaries is the loving thing to do.

Hope this helps and answers your question!

Tackling Tough Questions…

imgresWelcome to our Tuesday discussion.  Today we will try to answer some of your tough questions.  We know that if one person voices their question and concerns, there are many more who have the same questions, but just don’t ask.

We thought this blog is the perfect place to answer them for everyone.

Question:  Should I use a Bible Study to help my quiet times?

That is a great question!  Thanks for asking.

I am going to answer Yes and No.

Yes:  Having anything to enhance your time with the Lord is a good thing!  If it is getting you in the Word and you are spending quality time with God…go for it!

No:  I have to add that the BEST and un-bias way to study is just you and God.  Remember, people share their opinions in their books…so you get some of that.

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But if you just don’t know how to begin to study just the Word of God, then pick a study you think you will enjoy and work it!

It is all good!

Get into a study alone and also egroups or another group study.  It is another great way to learn and grow too!

Get connected!

Pick-Me-Up-Prayer

Welcome to our mid-week pick-me-up.  Our leaders and prayer warriors will lift you up in prayer today.  Please leave a comment below with your prayer requests.  If you want to send them in ahead of time to make it inside the blog post, go to our prayer page and fill out the form or email your requests to: mary@thatchurch.com.  Prayer Warriors…when you see a prayer request below, please leave a comment with a eprayer or a shout out to let these ladies know they are being lifted in prayer.

Thanks again for the participation and let’s lift each other in prayer today.

Here are the requests:

1)   Please pray for safe travels for my family this weekend. We will be driving 6 hrs to meet my MIL then the kids will ride another 6 hrs back to Ohio with them. And pray for peace and comfort for this will be the first time our youngest (under 2) will be away from us, for a whole week. Thank you! (Amanda Harrod)

2)  Prayers please…my cousin(Michael Nichols) went in surgery at 8am & was done st 5pm, came her straight from work…at uams…hes in icu…seen him a bit ago, its a ruff time for him & family!  He’s 33 had to have his pig valve, pacemaker & difibulator changed, when dr got in there the veins & everything from yhe other valve was mangled up…2 leads undone & good valve started bleeding bad…his body can’t take anymore surgery…so hes in a drug induced coma til tommorrow…to see how it goes..they are changing the patch out now over the bleeding valve & seeing if it stopped the bleeding…he was left open also due to the issues going on. (Belinda Beebe Barrett)

3)  Please pray for my youngest daughter, Morgan. She goes thru these episodes every few months of being angry, tired & depressed. Takes it out on those closest to her, especially me (running away from her troubles, not speaking to me, etc). It’s hard knowing she’s hurting & not seeing her or my grandson. It ALWAYS passes, but I know whatever is going on is not healthy & she refuses to seek professional help. (Diann Siegele)

4)  Please pray for a safe road trip for my babies and in-laws. They will be bringing our kiddos back from Ohio on a 13 hr drive this weekend. (Amanda Harrod)

5)  Praying for God’s guidance in finding a job! (Erika Walker)

Please leave your typed prayers in the comment or reply section!

Thank you!